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I'm in Love

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Long time didn't update a post, so now just to write up something.
That day having a blunt with Wei, then he said, I shall make a documentary about you, to record a year about you. To see what had happened in you during this year. I said, it might be interesting because we are stoning right now, but when we get sober, maybe not that interesting...

so now I am sober, do I think it's interesting? yea, a little bit.
2018, a year of ups and downs. Many sort of emotions has came out from my inner mind.
The starting of the world was best, we had good new year eve party with everyone. But soon Kiat left the world, and leave us some emotional times, as his closed friend, I have to face the fact, and accept it. I then suffered a little on the work stuffs, I had some devil comes from my heart, I lost some focus, and then I found back myself...ups and downs..

soon. just recent, August, someone comes in to my life.. she is Risa, from East Java. A passer by, and then we fall in love.

What…

Walk out from the comfort zone

Without an intention, you were suck into depression
without any acknowledgement, you walk out from the depression
that is the comfort zone
either you want to live in, with pleasure and happiness
or you step out and suffer the changes

I am better now, after I talked to my father
I am feeling good now, at least, with my family

my art journey is on the right track
always got chances from so many ways
I think I have sent good energies to the universe
and I got the feedback from there, there.

Let's the "Other" begins

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Once you started living in this world, you are about to get into a comparison system. It is a gigantic networking cruel system, connecting every inch of soil in every corners in this world. You don't need to be perfect, because there are always people living a style of "non of my business" or "I don't give a fuck"

If you are lucky, you have money, I'm saying a lot of money, from your parents, or your ancestor.. or you have a special power, your grand father found a stone on the island in middle of noway of the South China Sea. He hide this power stone under his bed, never tell anyone, until one day he is about going to leave this world and he told you about this stone under his bed. You took out the stone, and you become another power-hold-man, or a guardian of stone.

You seldom use the power, and living as a don't give a shit human being. One day, you use the secret power, to save a live in the middle of noway of South China Sea. And the one being sa…

If I gone better in next six days

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I think is a good time for me to write down my recent swinging mood. I was reading books of Murakami since 2013, it's been a good 5 years. So far I think I have read 8 or 10 books of him. Written in English, Traditional Chinese or Simplified Chinese. I found his books is interesting, I like to read. 

No way, I suppose to be depress, but who identify this is kind of depression. Do I sick? or my brain extracted some irregular toxic from middle of my brain leaf? I barely take in charge of my emotions, maybe I did, but it wasn't the expectation. I hated myself in some moment, I said I should love myself, and the people that I know, all these emotions was in 51seconds. 

Up and down, I think everyone deserve this kind of life, either you choose to be on this side, or the opposite. I need to find a balance, that is the desperate decision. I hope I could recovered, I could back to me, the ME that I desired to be. Despite I tried a few exercise, from dancing, music, writing the garbage i…

我有轻度的忧郁

不能说是不是忧郁,因为没有看过医生,没有人能够证明。就算是以自己的角度出发,可能也是严重性地把自己归类为忧郁。最近心情很糟糕,几乎每天都存在这一种需要面对不喜欢的场景,不喜欢的工作,不喜欢的人,不喜欢的生活。或许我现在还写着这一篇,并证实自己并没有真的有忧郁。但是那些不喜欢的,可能只是在这个时候才出现,因为需要为他们冠上一个代名词,所以就以不喜欢来归类。我有真的不喜欢吗?应该只有百分之四十吧。不多,但至少有。而且这少少的40%,足以让我崩溃了。

我现在面对着的东西,其实很简单就可以带过了,但是自己却紧紧捉着不放,好像要逼死自己,要让自己深深地钻牛角尖,然后无法翻身。我对许多事情都有着悲观的一面,最近几个星期根本就是以悲观的态度,无助的心情去过着每一天。有时候跟朋友出外时会好一些,但间中的过程,我还是有带着那般的悲观心态,因为想到有一天又要回到工作上,这简直是间接性地要我的命,给自己一个无法超越的困境。

我有轻度忧郁,这不管是否属实,都是需要被正当视察的。或许有那么一天,身边的人,或者自己,有这样的表现,就可以伸出援手,看看如何帮忙。

如果还有读着这篇文章的朋友,或者不认识的人,请你们要保重自己,也时常观察身边的人。你很难会知道,一个忧郁的人,会做出什么事情来。

我要旋转

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我要Whirlin三个小时
需要许多的锻炼
看来我找到路了
我知道我的艺术,或者我的人生
就是那么地在转啊转

有时候你就是想看看戏听听歌

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有一些朋友,他们说话比较直,虽然说中了我的缺点,但是,我还是觉得他也是有类似的问题,而不把我的问题换个角度去想想。总之就是,他的话,虽然说得中,但就是我不太想听。

不如休息的时候,看看戏,听听歌,这就是生活。

那么什么是他妈的“生活”?最近我不时把这词说出来,究竟我对自己的“生活” 有多了解与坚定?我到底明白我自己在说什么吗?

可能不太懂,但是,“活在当下”,“今天有酒,今天醉”就好了,何必太在意别人的话语或他们的一言一行?

不如真的看看戏,听听歌,跳跳舞,抽抽草,那不是更开心吗?